I don’t know what happened, but sometime in January I hit a point of insanity or more like 1/3rd life crisis and jumped into a pair of Coachella tickets (and by jump I mean max out my credit card jk kinda cause it’s already maxed out on home renovations…). Tony being the practical partner in crime that he is, did little to no effort in trying to tell me this was a dumb idea.
Side note – lesson for next year… book Airbnb first, then buy Coachella tickets because your pickings after you get tickets even if day of release are kinda between a shack, a rock and a boarding house for $250 a night per room (even if the house and host are super nice but it’s no privacy with a pool).
And yea, I said next year… I chugged some Kool-aid and kinda want to go again.
Anyway, got tickets, found a boarding room, booked a flight and over and out we were ready to jam and rock or is it jam and rap?
And then I got nervous cause let’s face it, I’m old… not grandma old… but definitely grandma boring and if I think about drinking, I already get a headache old. And definitely not wearing a crop top up to boob hanging young. Then there’s a few other factors…
- I do not like people
- I do not like people bodies near me
- I do not like people bodies near me who are lit (am I using the term lit properly? someone google for me) as shit on various substance of choice
- I do not really care of Beyonce, Eminem, while people bodies near me
I clearly lost my wits
Here’s what will happen on day one…. you will definitely show up too early. We got there around 2 and probably drink more than you need by 5pm. You will get excited hopping from stage to stage and before your night ends will end up walking 13 miles with your feet screaming by the time the final band of the day plays.
We explored the wiener airplane
And it lights up at night! Anyways for the bands –
- Greta Van fleet (best performer) but also had a dude in the crowd with a MAGA hat
- The Neighbourhood (whiniest bitch of a singer, what happened? Boohoo)
- War on Drugs
- Kgo (with visit from Ariana)
- St Vincent
- Alison Wonderland – Least sober audiance
- The Weekend
Your feet will still be sore. You will try to conserve and attend a little later around 3:30. By now you have found the better water stops and bathrooms and have narrowed yourself between 3-4 closer stages. You will still end up with 10 miles before the day ends
Day 2 bands slayed
- Nile Rodgers & CHIC (def winner of the week)
- First Aid Kit
- Cherry Glazerr
- David Byrde
- Post Malone
Beyonce brought out Destiny Child even though this was probably before most of these kids were born!
Day 3 – By now, you’re a pro. You’ve seen more thong bikinis (what happened to at least creative skimpy outfits?) and man rompers than you ever need to for the rest of the summer.
Your feet have magically recovered during the 10 miler of Saturday and you’re ready for the night to begin and hit up all the sights you were to tired on day 2, Antartica tent? Sure! Ferris Wheel? Heck yea, Amex gets you and a friend a “Free ride”
You might even listen to some music too-
- Hayley Kiyoko
- Vance Joy (only caught a few songs due to getting set times mixed up after our shuttle ride got delayed)
- Fidlar (so much fun!)
- Cardi B (cause when in Rome you know) * Portugal, the Man
- Kamaiyah (so good!)
- A Perfect Circle – I don’t even like them but it was nice tune out to nap music
- Eminem (hilarious and stuck to the golden oldies of slim shady days with Dre & 50 Cent!
This thing made of random ends and odds from a junkyard
These color changing trees
This killer sunset with these sculpture things made of wired baskets
I’ll conclude with some helpful tips that got my older ass but young heart through it!
- Weekend 2 is tamer than weekend 1 – No celebs and less instagram models
- Earplugs to save what little hearing I have
- If you can, sneak in some booze, Heineken for $11 a bottle will get you fat before it will get you drunk
- Pack some snacks like jerky & fruit snacks
- Water holding device
- If you get cold like me, a long sleeve & leggings for the night
- Going around 3pm got me through the closing act
- Shuttles worked out perfect with no wait for us 5 out of 6 times – on Sunday we had delay getting to the festival but no delays leaving during final song
- You can bring a blanket, but I find sitting on the grass sufficient
- No boots required – too damn hot but wear comfortable shoes because you will walk miles every day no matter how hard you try not to