And as far as my feelings go? I feel lost. For the first time since I started running, I have no idea what to expect and no real goals to hit. I have always been a heavy miles runner, even as an adult onset runner, I hit running straight into marathons and back to back marathons where I ran my first in DC 2012 and my second 4 weeks later in Boston.
So when I say I haven’t ran a marathon since early November, it scares me a bit. In the past years, I have ran monthly marathons leading up to Boston. While now, the past few months have been strange, and my emotions confused. My identity as a “fast” runner seems lost. I hit two 20 milers and I know I will finish, but the carefree running that I’ve enjoyed seems forever gone. This planter fascia battle seems a bit never ending. I get the runs done, and I make it through, but its taking it’s tool on my confidence.
Without a training plan, or training happening, I feel lost in my goals.
The nasty physician assistant at the Tufts doctor office I went to, would claim it was my heavy mileage or error in training that cause my injury. I don’t know what to believe anymore, but I try to carry on. I have years of PR ahead me, I just need to get through this battle so I can win the war.
And at the same time I am overcome with the feelings of being gracious for all the friends, and support I am constantly receiving through social media and IRL – In Real Life.
Here’s the thing about us runners. For the most part, none of us will be athletic champions. Most of us are not elite and won’t be winning anything. But the glorious part of running, is that we are all winners simply by participating, something that most sports don’t have.
We parade in our obnoxious colored bright jackets and brag in our achievements. For a few weeks we feel special. Whether we qualified by running, or fund raised a ridiculous amount of money for an amazing cause, or are just lucky as shit and got a free entry through a hook up, saying you’re running Boston makes you feel like a hero for a little while before we return to the normal grind, even if the normal grind is being a marathon maniac.
And the other feelings circling in me, I’m a little sad and nostalgic to the old days before the 2013 marathon. In 2012, Tony joined me for about 2-3 miles of the race as I walked in heat stroke with a giant bag of pretzels sharing with other heat defeated but not given up runners.
In 2013, my friend Dan pushed me through the final 10K (but not the finish line) to a 3;26 Boston, my best time on the course to date. Yes, if I had any more energy in me, I would have kicked him.
And finally, the 2014… we are Boston.. we are runners.. and yet everything has changed…
I ran the course with many more runners, 36K to the usual 27K. The rutpackers gone. The lewd drunkness in slight secretness. To be honest, I know we were celebrating overcoming the terrible act in 2013, but I felt that the spirit of the Boston Marathon from the rutpackers, to the dunk college students, to other local bandits have been lost.
In 2015, the BAA sent warning emails to no longer post your bib pre-race due to people banditing the course by stealing bib numbers. You know because clearly the victims were begging for their hard earned bibs to be stolen. You would think that with all these scares, they would change the design of the bib, but I can tell you, it looks the same as 2014, only 1 digit difference….
My hope for 2015? normalcy.. I want safety but to be honest, the security made me uncomfortable. The constant guard dogs on course made me feel in police state and forget my opinion of how I feel about lack of bag check in the Athlete’s village. But I will continue, step by step, mile by mile to run, because I can and I know many others would love to take my spot.
The weather went from sunny high 50s to rain and crazy wind to a high of 48… but I guess it’s only to be expected from the crazy weather we’ve been having this year. I guess in some way, us locals for the first time in a while have a home town advantage. Wind, rain and just shit out of local weather.. yea that’s New England running for you. After changing my mind like 20 times about what to wear, cause you know you gotta look cute for all your hugs and photos, I have settled on taking my rain jacket with me. In a race where I’m less fit, I rather be more warm than cold.
I don’t know how a post about mixed running emotions and goals turned more political than I wish. I guess it’s the sadness that in a year where I would love to have a few steps of familiar support is no longer allowed. It takes a village to raise a marathoner and the inner circle of that village is Boston for me, the city that’s been my home for 12 years. I know many friends who are running tomorrow, but for the most part I feel a bit surrounded by strangers and out of towners. Without time goals, I feel lost, but instead I’ll keep a hugs goal! My friends can’t step on the course, but the BAA can’t stop me from stepping on the sidewalk!
And yes, when I started writing this, I thought I had my thoughts in order, but now it’s just a jumble of something that none the less I wanted to share.
To follow me simply text my Bib Number 11887 to 234567 using your phone. And if you don’t see me for a while between mile 20 and the finish line… don’t worry, I’ll get there ;).